Tag Archives: health

When My Life Felt and Was Reborn

Last year was a bit turbulent for me, to be honest. And I can say the same about 2023.

Sometimes, I worry that I might sound too negative. I usually feel bad about it, but what if I was simply born this way? What if, no matter what I do, I will always carry this sadness in my heart? I went through different rough emotional experiences as a child, so maybe it’s time to just accept it as it is. I wish I could be a more smiling, optimistic person—but, well, I’m not really that one. And that’s okay. I’m learning, and I hope I still have time to get better at it.

What did I mean when I said that 2023 and 2024 were rough for me?

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.” — C.C. Scott

In 2023, I got an infection in my right thumb—so severe that the tip of my finger had to be removed. A surgeon did it right in front of my eyes. Well, not exactly—I turned my face away and looked at my husband instead, tears rolling down my face.

For a moment, I thought the surgeon would take my whole finger. It was March 1st, a Wednesday. That day, I had gone with my husband to see a doctor about my swollen finger. The first doctor I had been recommended made silly jokes, saying I must have found a poisonous insect in my garden and that they would find it and kill it. At that moment, it wasn’t funny to me. The attitude was far from empathetic.

That night, alone with my two kids in Dubai, I couldn’t sleep. The pain was unbearable, and my finger swelled before my eyes, hour by hour. In the middle of the night, I booked a taxi, leaving my kids asleep in my bed. I remember that night so clearly—the blurred city lights flashing past the car window, my mind consumed by the pain in my finger and arm, which had also begun to swell.

Secretly, I was saying goodbye to this world. My husband was away on a business trip, and I was completely alone.

From my very first days in Dubai, I realized something: nobody really cares about you. It’s up to you to build your own reality in a new place.

“The key to life when it gets tough is to keep moving. Just keep moving.”―Tyler Perry

But still, I will always be grateful to the doctor who saved my life.

That February taught me that everything can change in an instant. The pain came out of nowhere, and no one could have foreseen the consequences.

I didn’t pick up my camera for three months after that. I had to postpone many photoshoots, and I felt terrible about it.

But at that moment, I decided to surrender and give myself time. When life closes one door, it opens another. A new life was unfolding for me, but I am still in the process of rediscovering it.

In 2024, I faced two severe illnesses that also made me reflect on the value of life. I had never had serious problems with my lungs or nose before, but in June, I caught mycoplasma and thought I wouldn’t recover. I was wrong.

Then, in November, I experienced severe sinusitis for the first time in my life, caused by some unknown bacteria. For five days, I could barely breathe. Waking up at night, struggling to get air through my nose—I truly thought it was the end of the world.

To make things worse, the first antibiotic the doctor prescribed had too low a dosage, so I had to undergo another round of treatment. Just when I started feeling better after a week, I got a sore throat. I couldn’t believe it—something else was starting again. This time, sinusitis hit only one nostril. I decided not to go back to the doctor since I had no fever and tried to heal myself without medication. It worked, but very slowly. Only after two months of being sick did I finally start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” — Tori Amos

I don’t know if you’ve read this far, but going through these life-threatening experiences has made me rethink my values. I started looking for slow and joyful moments I could truly enjoy—just for myself. In a fast-paced city like Dubai, where everything and everyone moves at lightning speed, that has been quite a challenge.

But I must say, I am rediscovering myself—finding minutes, even hours, each day to nourish my body and mind.

Life teaches you. Sometimes, not in a good way. But this is why it`s so important to start living to the fullest. You never know what might happen to you tomorrow…

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” — Oprah Winfrey

Kondo wa kondo. Ima wa ima. – Next time is next time. Now is now.

– 今度は今度。今は今